Hidden Struggles: How Addiction Masks Pain and Companions Mental Health
Addiction rarely walks alone. Behind the surface of alcohol dependency, drug misuse, compulsive behaviours, or even high-functioning addiction, there often lies an untold story, one woven with threads of trauma, pain, rejection, abuse, or deep emotional distress.
Addiction doesn’t always scream. Sometimes, it whispers behind a smile, hides behind productivity, or exists quietly in the person who always says “I’m fine.” For many, addiction becomes a form of self-medication, an attempt to numb emotions too heavy to carry alone. It’s a silent companion to mental health struggles, a way to cope when nothing else feels possible.
The Mind-Body Connection of Addiction and Trauma
Trauma and emotional pain don’t just disappear with time. They linger, in the nervous system, in the body, and in the subconscious mind. A past experience of neglect, abuse, grief, or betrayal can sit, unresolved, and slowly chip away at a person’s sense of safety and self-worth.
Addiction often fills this emotional vacuum. It becomes a temporary escape, a way to silence intrusive thoughts or dull the sharpness of memory. But over time, it deepens isolation, leads to dependency, and can trigger or worsen anxiety, depression, or PTSD.
The Power of Connection in Healing
Connection is often the antidote to addiction. Healing happens in safe, supportive relationships, whether that's with a therapist, a peer group, or even one trusted friend. Encouraging those struggling to reconnect with others can help counteract the isolation addiction breeds. Highlighting the importance of non-judgmental listening and presence over fixing is key for loved ones. “Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. It happens in community.” S. Kelly Harrell - Gift of the Dreamtime – Reader's Companion.
The Healing Power of Being Heard: Presence Over Fixing
When someone is struggling with addiction or mental health challenges, what they often need most isn’t advice, solutions, or a plan, they need presence. They need to feel seen, heard, and accepted exactly as they are, without judgment. Non-judgmental listening creates a space where healing can begin. It means:
- Not interrupting or steering the conversation
- Holding space without trying to "make it better"
- Avoiding minimising phrases like “It’s not that bad” or “Others have it worse”
- Trusting that the person’s pain is real, even if we can’t fully understand it
Trying to “fix” someone, even with good intentions, can unintentionally reinforce shame. It can send the message that they’re broken, wrong, or failing. But being present with someone in their pain says:
“You don’t have to go through this alone. I’m here. You matter.”
This kind of connection is more powerful than any solution. It’s the foundation for trust, safety, and emotional repair, especially for those whose trauma involves being ignored, silenced, or dismissed in the past.
Trauma, Addiction & The Brain: Why It’s Not a Moral Failing
Addiction is often misunderstood as weakness or a lack of willpower. But in truth, it's deeply rooted in the brain’s response to trauma and chronic stress. Understanding how this works helps break the stigma and allows us to view addiction not as a choice — but as a coping mechanism that can be unlearned with the right support.
Rewiring the Reward System
The brain is wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. In the face of trauma, abuse, or emotional neglect, the brain often loses its natural ability to regulate stress or experience joy. Substances or behaviours that stimulate the brain’s dopamine reward system (like alcohol, drugs, gambling, food, or even overworking) provide a temporary relief or emotional “escape.”
Over time, this creates neural pathways that reinforce the behaviour, not because someone is weak, but because their brain is trying to survive.
The Role of Cortisol & Adrenaline
When a person has experienced trauma, their body can stay stuck in a fight-or-flight state — even years after the event. This causes chronically elevated levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) and adrenaline, which affect mood, memory, sleep, and decision-making.
Addiction, in this context, becomes a self-regulation tool: a way to calm the nervous system, quiet the mind, or dissociate from pain.
A Survival Strategy, Not a Moral Failing
What many call addiction is, for some, the only way they’ve learned to cope. It may be the only thing that ever “worked” to ease inner chaos or emotional numbness.
But here's the hopeful part: the brain can change.
With compassion, therapy, and the right interventions, these patterns can be gently rewired. Recovery isn’t about shame or punishment, it’s about learning new ways to feel safe, connected, and alive. “Addiction isn’t a brokenness. It’s a response to pain. And healing begins when we treat the pain, not just the behaviour.”
In his work, Dr. Maté emphasises that addiction is not a moral failing but a response to emotional pain and trauma. He often states, “Not why the addiction, but why the pain,” highlighting the importance of addressing the underlying pain rather than merely focusing on the addictive behaviour, additionally, Dr. Maté notes that addiction is a response to human suffering and that treating the pain, not just the behaviour, is crucial for healing
Small Steps Matter
Progress, Not Perfection
Recovery isn’t about doing everything right, it’s about moving forward, even if it’s just one small step at a time. For anyone facing addiction, showing up matters. Making a call, attending a single meeting, reaching out to someone you trust, these moments are not small.
They are acts of courage.
You don’t need to have all the answers, and you don’t need to do everything at once. Every honest effort counts. Even when it feels like you’re starting over, you’re not back at the beginning, you’re continuing the work of healing. Be gentle with yourself. Acknowledge each step, no matter how small. They are all part of your path forward.
Support for Loved Ones
For Friends and Family: How to Support Someone in Recovery
Supporting someone with a hidden addiction or unresolved trauma can be emotionally complex. You may feel helpless, confused, or overwhelmed. Your support can make a difference, but it's important to care for yourself too. Keep these principles in mind:
- Avoid blame. Addiction and trauma are not moral failings. Shame only deepens isolation. Choose empathy over judgment.
- Be patient with relapse or resistance. Change takes time. Setbacks are part of the process, not the end of it.
- Prioritise your own mental health. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Protect your energy, and don’t ignore your own needs.
- Set and honour your boundaries. Being supportive doesn’t mean tolerating harm. Boundaries are an act of love, for yourself and others.
- Seek support. You don’t have to do this alone. Connecting with others who understand your experience can be a lifeline.
Support Services for Families and Individuals
Below are some of the organisations that offer free or low-cost support for individuals and loved ones navigating addiction or trauma:
- Al-Anon Family Groups – www.al-anonuk.org.uk
Offers support meetings and resources for people affected by someone else’s drinking. A safe, confidential space to share and heal. - Adfam – www.adfam.org.uk
A UK charity supporting families affected by drugs and alcohol. Offers resources, peer support groups, and advocacy. - SMART Recovery UK – www.smartrecovery.org.uk
A science-based program for managing addictive behaviours. Includes tools for both individuals and family members. - Narcotics Anonymous (NA) – www.ukna.org
A 12-step fellowship for people recovering from drug addiction. Free, anonymous meetings held in person and online. - Mind – www.mind.org.uk
Offers mental health support, information, and guidance for anyone affected by trauma, depression, anxiety, and more. - Samaritans – www.samaritans.org | Call 116 123
24/7 confidential support for anyone in emotional distress or crisis. You don’t have to be suicidal to call.
Hidden in Plain Sight: The Functional Addict
Some people live what looks like a “normal” life, they hold jobs, raise families, show up socially, yet battle addictions behind closed doors. This may go unnoticed by friends, family, and colleagues. The smile may hide insomnia. The humour may cover pain. The high-functioning addict is often suffering in silence.
Because addiction is often stigmatised, people are less likely to reach out for help. Shame and fear of judgment lead many to withdraw, both physically and emotionally.
Signs of Withdrawal, Loneliness, and Hidden Struggles
Recognising the signs of hidden addiction or emotional withdrawal can be the first step to supporting someone. Here’s what to look out for:
- Social withdrawal – Avoiding friends or family, reduced communication, or a sudden disinterest in previously enjoyed activities.
- Mood swings – Irritability, sadness, or unpredictable emotional reactions.
- Hyper-independence – Insisting they’re “fine” and avoiding vulnerability or help.
- Neglect of self-care – Changes in hygiene, sleep patterns, or eating habits.
- Overcompensating behaviour – Excessive cheerfulness, perfectionism, or overworking to avoid stillness.
- Substance use patterns – Increasing use of alcohol, drugs, or other coping mechanisms that seem out of character.
Validating the Pain, Not Just Treating the Behaviour
One of the most powerful steps toward healing is validation. Validating someone’s lived experiences, their feelings, memories, and pain, can break the silence and reduce shame.
When a person feels seen and heard without judgment, they are more likely to seek help and begin their journey toward recovery. Emotional wellbeing must be central to all recovery efforts, not just detox or behaviour modification. Compassionate listening, emotional safety, and supportive relationships are the foundations of long-term healing.
Where to Find Support in the UK
If you or someone you love is struggling, you’re not alone. These UK-based charities offer confidential, accessible support:
1. Mind
www.mind.org.uk
Mental health charity offering information, support and local services. Mind helps individuals struggling with both mental health and addiction.
2. Turning Point
www.turning-point.co.uk
Supports people with drug and alcohol issues, mental health struggles and learning disabilities. Offers local services across the UK.
3. We Are With You
www.wearewithyou.org.uk
Free, confidential support with drug, alcohol or mental health issues. Offers online chat and local services.
4. Samaritans
www.samaritans.org | 116 123 (Free 24/7)
For anyone in emotional distress or feeling overwhelmed, Samaritans provide a non-judgmental space to talk.
The Window of Tolerance and Healing Through the Body
When you experience trauma, whether it's a single event or years of chronic stress, your nervous system adapts to help you survive. These survival responses (fight, flight, freeze, or fawn) are not choices. They are biological reactions. Over time, they can leave you feeling disconnected, overwhelmed, or shut down, even long after the danger has passed.
The Window of Tolerance is a way of understanding your capacity to stay regulated. When you’re within this “window,” you feel grounded, present, and able to cope with everyday stress. When you’re pushed outside of it, either into hyper-arousal (anxiety, panic, rage) or hypo-arousal (numbness, exhaustion, dissociation), it becomes hard to think clearly or feel safe in your own body.
Trauma can narrow this window, making even small triggers feel overwhelming. That’s why talking alone isn’t always enough. Trauma lives in the body, not just the mind, and healing often requires somatic (body-based) work to release the stored stress and emotions.
Why Somatic Healing Matters
Body-based practices help the nervous system return to a state of safety and regulation. They invite the body to complete unfinished stress cycles and gently expand the window of tolerance. These methods don’t push or force. Instead, they build awareness, connection, and resilience over time.
Working with a trauma-informed practitioner can make a profound difference. These may include:
- Somatic Therapists
Professionals trained to help you reconnect with your body, sensations, and movement in a safe, supported way. - Breathwork Coaches
Guides who use conscious breathing techniques to support emotional release, calm the nervous system, and shift stored tension. - Trauma-Informed Yoga or Movement Therapists
Practitioners who use mindful movement and breath to help reestablish safety, agency, and embodiment.
These approaches don’t require you to re-tell your trauma story. Instead, they offer gentle, grounded ways to feel more at home in your body, to reclaim a sense of safety, and to reconnect with your inner resilience.
Healing doesn’t mean “getting over it.” It means learning how to live with what’s happened, in a way that feels more manageable, less reactive, and more whole. The body holds wisdom, and with the right support, it can also hold your recovery.
How Phiona Can Help — In Havant or Online
Phiona offers a deeply empathetic and holistic approach to those feeling isolated or overwhelmed by addiction, trauma, or emotional pain. Working with clients both in person in Havant and online, her therapeutic approach integrates:
- Clinical Hypnotherapy – Access the subconscious to release patterns formed by trauma.
- Breathwork – Reconnect with the body and regulate the nervous system.
- EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) – Tap into stuck emotions to release stress and triggers.
- IEMT (Integral Eye Movement Therapy) – Resolve the emotional imprint of trauma without reliving it.
- Creative Interventions – Art, movement and creative expression for those who struggle to speak their pain.
Phiona creates a validating,
compassionate space where clients are seen for their whole selves, not just the addiction, but the stories behind it. This work empowers people to rebuild trust in themselves, their emotions, and their ability to connect with others.
Addiction is rarely about the substance, it's about the story. The pain that was never voiced. The fear that was never soothed. The trauma that was never resolved. By understanding how addiction and mental health are connected, we can break the cycle of silence and shame. We can offer compassion instead of judgment, support instead of rejection, and hope instead of isolation.
Whether you're dealing with stress, anxiety, trauma, bereavement or looking to break habits, reframe fears, or phobias. Phiona can help you develop approaches to overcome these barriers that prevent you from living life to the fullest. Helping you navigate life’s challenges and take the next step towards a brighter, calmer future.
If you feel you would like support, and you feel therapy may be the answer. I offer 15 minute complimentary consultations, for you to have the chance to discover how therapy might support you. Visit my website for more information.
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