When “this too shall pass” isn’t what we need to hear

Sometimes healing doesn’t begin by waiting for the feeling to pass. Sometimes it begins by gently meeting ourselves where we are.

I’ve always struggled with the saying, “this too shall pass.”

I understand why we say it.

Usually, it comes from a place of kindness. We want to reassure someone who is hurting. We want them to know that difficult feelings won’t necessarily last forever.

And perhaps, in time, they won’t.

But sometimes those words can unintentionally move us away from what is actually happening.

Because when we are overwhelmed, anxious, frightened, emotionally flooded or shut down, we are experiencing something right now.

Our body is responding in the present moment.

And sometimes that response may be connected to something much older.

When the present activates something from the past

There are moments when our emotional response can feel much bigger than the situation in front of us.

A conversation.

A particular tone of voice.

Feeling rejected.

Someone becoming distant.

Being criticised.

A situation where we suddenly feel powerless.

Something happens and, almost instantly, our body responds.

Our heart begins to race.

Our chest feels tight.

Our stomach contracts.

Our breathing changes.

We feel restless, panicked or tearful.

Or perhaps we experience the opposite.

We become numb.

We shut down.

We can’t find the words.

We feel disconnected from ourselves or from what is happening around us.

Sometimes we may not even understand why we are reacting this way.

This doesn’t mean that we are overreacting or that something is wrong with us.

Our nervous system can respond to cues of threat or emotional danger based on previous experiences. Sometimes a present-day experience can bring forward an old emotional response, even when we consciously know that we are here, now.

The response can feel very real because, for our body, something about the present moment may resemble something it has experienced before.

This is why simply telling ourselves, “it will pass”, may not always be enough.

The body may need something different.

It may need presence, safety, connection and permission to feel.

So what can we do instead?

This is where a gentle somatic approach can help.

Somatic work isn’t about forcing ourselves to feel everything.

It isn’t about diving into difficult emotions before we are ready.

And it isn’t about trying to make the feeling disappear.

Instead, it can be about gently turning towards our experience with curiosity and compassion.

We can begin by noticing:

What is happening for me right now?

Not why am I like this?

Not what is wrong with me?

Not how quickly can I make this stop?

Just:

What is happening right now?

1. Pause before trying to fix it

When we become activated, our first instinct can be to get away from the feeling.

We distract ourselves.

We overthink.

We reach for our phones.

We become busy.

We try to rationalise.

We tell ourselves that everything is fine.

Sometimes these things can be helpful forms of regulation.

But if we are able to, we might first give ourselves a few moments to notice what is happening.

You don’t have to solve anything.

Simply pause.

Feel the support beneath you.

Notice where you are.

Look around the room.

Remind yourself:

“I am here, in this moment.”

2. Notice the body without forcing it to change

Perhaps there is tightness in your chest.

A heaviness in your shoulders.

A fluttering in your stomach.

Heat in your face.

Tingling in your hands.

A clenched jaw.

Or perhaps there is very little sensation at all.

There is no right way to experience this.

You don’t have to make the sensation disappear.

You might simply say:

“I notice there is tightness here.”

“I notice my heart is beating faster.”

“I notice that I want to curl up and hide.”

This simple act of noticing can create a little space between you and the experience.

You are not the anxiety.

You are noticing anxiety.

You are not the overwhelm.

You are experiencing overwhelm.

That distinction can matter.

3. Gently lean in, rather than pushing away

Leaning in doesn’t mean forcing yourself deeper into distress.

It means becoming curious about the experience rather than immediately rejecting it.

You might gently ask:

“If this feeling could speak, what might it be trying to tell me?”

Perhaps it says:

I need rest.

I need reassurance.

I don’t feel safe.

I need some space.

I need someone to listen.

This feels familiar.

I need a boundary.

I’m frightened.

You don’t need to find a perfect answer.

The purpose isn’t to analyse yourself.

It is to create a relationship with what is happening inside you.

Sometimes simply acknowledging:

“Something in me feels frightened right now”

can be very different from:

“Why am I being so ridiculous?”

One creates compassion.

The other creates shame.

4. Allow rather than force

There is a beautiful difference between allowing a feeling and giving yourself over to it.

Allowing might sound like:

“I don’t have to get rid of this feeling right now.”

“I can let this be here for a moment.”

“I can feel some of this without having to feel all of it.”

You might imagine making a little space around the sensation rather than trying to push it away.

If there is tightness in your chest, you don’t have to force yourself to relax.

If there are tears, you don’t have to stop them.

If you feel angry, you don’t have to judge yourself for feeling angry.

If you feel numb, you don’t have to force yourself to feel.

We can meet ourselves where we actually are.

5. Find what feels supportive

Somatic work is not simply about noticing difficult sensations.

It is also about noticing what feels supportive.

Perhaps your feet feel grounded against the floor.

Perhaps your hands feel warm.

Perhaps you notice the chair supporting your weight.

Perhaps looking through a window and seeing trees helps.

Perhaps wrapping yourself in a blanket creates a sense of comfort.

Perhaps placing a hand gently over your heart or chest feels reassuring.

Perhaps you need movement rather than stillness.

Perhaps you need another person.

There is no single regulation technique that works for everyone, and what feels supportive can change from one moment to another.

The question becomes:

“What would help my body feel a little more supported right now?”

Not completely better.

Just a little more supported.

That distinction can make the process feel much more manageable.

6. Work with the edges of the feeling

Sometimes an emotion feels enormous.

Instead of asking yourself to sit completely inside it, see whether you can notice its edges.

Perhaps the anxiety is strongest in your chest, but your hands feel relatively calm.

Perhaps your stomach feels tight, but your feet feel grounded.

Perhaps there is sadness in one part of your body while another part feels warm and settled.

You don’t have to focus entirely on the distress.

You can gently move your attention between what feels difficult and what feels okay, neutral or supportive.

This can create a little more space.

A little more choice.

A little more capacity to stay present.

7. Remind yourself that this is now

If you recognise that something old may have been activated, gently orient yourself to the present.

Look around.

Notice the date.

Notice where you are.

Feel your feet.

Listen for sounds around you.

Name a few things you can see.

And perhaps remind yourself:

“Something has been activated in me, but I am here now.”

“This feeling is real, but I don’t have to assume that the past is happening again.”

“I can take care of myself in this moment.”

This isn’t about telling yourself that there is nothing to feel.

It is about helping the body distinguish between then and now.

We don’t have to rush ourselves towards the other side

Perhaps this is why I struggle with “this too shall pass.”

Because sometimes the message we need isn’t about the future.

Sometimes we need someone to meet us in the present.

To say:

“I can see that this is difficult.”

“You don’t have to pretend you’re okay.”

“Let’s slow this down.”

“What are you noticing?”

“What do you need right now?”

There is something profoundly different about being accompanied through an experience rather than being encouraged to wait until it is over.

And perhaps that is what gentle somatic work can offer.

Not a promise that difficult emotions will never return.

Not a demand to find meaning in everything we experience.

Not another technique we have to perform perfectly.

But an opportunity to develop a kinder relationship with ourselves.

To notice.

To pause.

To breathe when breathing feels supportive.

To ground.

To orient.

To lean in gently.

To allow what is present without forcing it to change.

To recognise when we need support.

And, most importantly, to stop abandoning ourselves simply because something inside us feels uncomfortable.

Because maybe healing isn’t always about waiting for it to pass.

Maybe sometimes healing begins with being able to say:

“Something is happening for me right now, and I can stay gently connected to myself while I move through it.”

And perhaps, eventually, it will pass.

But we don’t have to make its passing the condition for our compassion.

We can meet ourselves here.

In this moment.

Exactly as we are.

 

A gentle reminder

If you find yourself becoming overwhelmed when turning towards difficult feelings, you do not have to push yourself further.

Somatic awareness should be approached with choice, pacing and compassion.

Sometimes the most supportive thing is not to lean further in, but to step back, orient to the room, connect with another person, find something grounding or simply allow yourself to rest.

You are allowed to move towards your experience and away from it.

You are allowed to pause.

You are allowed to go slowly.

There is no prize for feeling everything at once.

Your body doesn’t need to be forced into healing. It needs to experience enough safety, support and compassion to begin finding its own way.

Mindful Moments Therapies
Phiona Hutton
Counselling, clinical hypnotherapy and somatic work

Guiding the soul home

www.mindfulmomentstherapies.co.uk