Living With Anxiety: Recognising the Hidden Signs and Finding Your Way Back to Calm
Anxiety is not always obvious. It is not only the racing heart or the constant worry that people often picture. For many, it shows up in subtle and sometimes confusing ways, weaving its way into everyday life until it feels like part of who you are. If you have ever wondered whether the headaches you get, the restless nights you endure, or the rituals you depend on are linked to anxiety, you are not alone.
Anxiety can affect anyone, at any stage of life. Children may worry about leaving home for school, teenagers may fear social rejection, adults may feel the strain of workplace pressures, and older adults may worry about health or independence. It can impact every walk of life, every background, and every age.
The Many Faces of Anxiety
Anxiety does not always announce itself in clear ways. It can live in the body, in the mind, and in behaviours that at first glance may not seem connected. Some people experience:
• Physical symptoms: frequent headaches, stomach upsets, feeling nauseous, dizziness, muscle tension, fatigue, or a racing heart.
• Compulsive behaviours: hair pulling, skin picking, nail biting, or needing certain routines to feel safe.
• Social struggles: avoiding gatherings, finding driving overwhelming, or ordering everything online to avoid the outside world.
• Sleep disruption: lying awake for hours, waking in the night at the same times, or feeling unrested even after sleep.
• Food and lifestyle changes: eating only “safe” foods, drinking or smoking to cope, or overworking to distract from anxious thoughts.
• Masking: appearing high-functioning on the outside, able to go to work or take care of responsibilities, but collapsing afterwards with exhaustion or leaning on numbing habits.
• The anxiety hangover: the day after socialising or masking, when your body feels like it has shut down and is simply trying to regulate itself again.
If you recognise yourself in any of these experiences, it may be reassuring to know that these are not “separate problems.” They are often different ways that anxiety shows up. Naming this can be the first step toward healing.
The Science of Anxiety
Anxiety can sometimes feel mysterious, as if it comes out of nowhere. But there is a very real and understandable reason why it shows up in the body as well as the mind.
Our nervous system is designed to keep us safe. When the brain senses a possible threat, whether that is a genuine danger or simply a worrying thought, it activates what is known as the fight, flight, or freeze response. This is the body’s built-in alarm system, preparing us to run, defend ourselves, or shut down until the threat has passed.
In moments of real danger, this response can save our lives. But when the brain is on high alert too often, or reacts to everyday stresses as if they were emergencies, it can create the ongoing symptoms we call anxiety.
This is why anxiety can feel so physical:
• The racing heart happens because your body is pumping blood faster to help you escape.
• Shallow breathing or tightness in the chest comes from the body preparing for action.
• Stomach upsets or nausea occur because digestion slows down when energy is diverted to survival.
• Headaches and muscle tension build from the constant state of alertness.
• Difficulty sleeping happens because the nervous system struggles to switch off.
None of these symptoms mean you are weak, broken, or imagining things. They are your body’s way of trying to protect you, even if it sometimes misreads the situation. Understanding this can be the first step in learning how to calm the nervous system and reassure the mind that you are safe.
Different Layers of Anxiety
Anxiety does not look the same for everyone. For some, it appears as a passing worry that fades. For others, it can become a constant presence that affects daily life. Recognising where you might sit within this spectrum can be reassuring, because it shows that what you experience is real and valid, even if it looks different from someone else’s.
• Everyday worry vs. clinical anxiety
It is natural to feel worried before a big meeting, an exam, or when something uncertain is happening in life. This kind of worry usually eases once the event has passed. Clinical anxiety, however, tends to linger. It can be disproportionate to the situation, and it often interferes with sleep, health, or the ability to carry out daily activities.
• Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
GAD is characterised by ongoing, excessive worry about many aspects of life, work, health, relationships, finances, the future. People with GAD often describe feeling restless, on edge, or unable to “switch off” their thoughts, no matter how much they try.
• Social Anxiety
Social anxiety goes beyond shyness. It can make everyday interactions, such as meeting new people, attending events, or even making phone calls, feel overwhelming. Many people with social anxiety fear being judged, embarrassed, or rejected, leading them to avoid situations they might otherwise enjoy.
• Health Anxiety
With health anxiety, ordinary bodily sensations can trigger intense worry. A headache might feel like something serious, or a racing heart might cause panic about illness. This can lead to frequent checking, reassurance seeking, or avoiding medical information altogether, all of which fuel the cycle of anxiety.
• Panic Disorder
Panic disorder involves sudden, intense episodes of fear known as panic attacks. These can include physical symptoms such as chest pain, dizziness, or feeling as though you cannot breathe. The fear of having another panic attack often creates more anxiety, leading to avoidance of certain places or activities.
• High-Functioning Anxiety
Some people live with anxiety that is largely hidden from those around them. They might hold down jobs, take care of families, and appear successful, all while battling racing thoughts, constant tension, or exhaustion behind the scenes. This type of anxiety often leads to burnout or reliance on coping habits such as drinking, overworking, or overeating.
Each of these layers of anxiety is valid. If you see yourself in one, several, or somewhere in between, it does not mean your anxiety is “not bad enough” to matter. What matters is how it feels for you, and whether it is limiting your life. Support is available at every stage, no matter how visible or invisible your anxiety might be.
Anxiety in Different Life Stages
Anxiety does not belong to one group of people. It can affect anyone, at any age, and it often shifts shape as life changes. Understanding how anxiety might appear at different stages of life can help us recognise it in ourselves and in those we care about. It also reminds us that no matter when anxiety shows up, support is always possible.
Children
For children, anxiety often appears around separation from parents or carers, or in the challenges of school life. A child may worry about being left at the school gate, feel sick before lessons, or struggle to sleep alone. These worries are very real for them and can feel overwhelming.
Young Adults
Young adulthood can bring exams, first jobs, friendships, and relationships, all of which can trigger anxiety. Many young adults also face the uncertainty of leaving home or moving into independence. Anxiety may appear as racing thoughts, fears of failure, or avoidance of situations that feel too daunting.
Adults
Adulthood often involves balancing many responsibilities. Work, family life, financial pressures, and relationships can all bring stress that tips into anxiety. Some adults find themselves lying awake at night worrying about tomorrow, experiencing physical symptoms such as headaches or stomach upsets, or turning to habits like overworking or drinking to cope.
Middle Age
In midlife, anxiety can shift again. Children leaving home, career changes, or health concerns may trigger new layers of worry. This stage can also bring reflection on life choices, which sometimes leads to feelings of restlessness or unease. For many, anxiety is less about specific events and more about navigating ongoing transitions.
Older Adults
Later in life, anxiety can arise from worries about independence, health, or loneliness. Older adults may feel anxious about physical changes, managing day-to-day life, or fears of becoming a burden. Even if these worries are not always spoken about, they can weigh heavily on the mind and body.
A Thread That Connects Us All
While the causes may look different at each stage, the experience of anxiety is universal. Whether it is a child afraid to be left at school, a parent worried about finances, or an older adult anxious about health, the feelings are valid and deserve compassion.
Recognising anxiety in its many forms is the first step toward easing it. With the right support, whether through therapy, gentle coping strategies, or simply sharing what you are going through, it is possible to find relief and to move forward with more peace at every age.
Why Naming Anxiety Matters
One of the most powerful moments in recovery can be when anxiety is acknowledged. Many people feel isolated in their struggles, believing they are the only ones who feel this way. Speaking it out loud, whether to a therapist, a loved one, or even to yourself, can be the beginning of change. Naming anxiety allows you to see it for what it is, not a failing, but a natural response that has become overwhelming.
Anxiety can be controlling, dominating the mind and the body. But when it is shared, it begins to loosen its hold. This step alone can start to lift the block that keeps so many from reaching for help.
Healthy vs. Unhealthy Coping Strategies
When anxiety feels overwhelming, it is natural to look for ways to manage it. Many people develop coping strategies, some of which provide temporary relief but may ultimately reinforce anxious patterns. Recognising the difference between unhealthy and healthy coping can be an important step toward feeling more in control and supported.
Unhealthy Coping Strategies
Some common ways people try to quiet anxiety include:
• Drinking alcohol or using substances to numb the mind.
• Overeating or restricting food to feel a sense of control.
• Smoking or excessive caffeine use to manage stress.
• Overworking or overcommitting to distract from anxious thoughts.
• Avoidance behaviours such as skipping social events, avoiding responsibilities, or limiting life experiences.
While these strategies may provide short-term relief, they often leave the body and mind more exhausted in the long run. They can create cycles of guilt, shame, or physical strain, and the anxiety underneath remains unaddressed.
Healthy Coping Strategies
Healthier approaches work with the body and mind rather than against them. They may take practice and patience but can lead to lasting relief and a greater sense of calm. Examples include:
• Journaling to process thoughts and identify patterns in anxiety.
• Movement or exercise to release tension and regulate the nervous system.
• Creative outlets such as drawing, music, or crafting to express emotions safely.
• Grounding techniques to bring attention to the present moment, such as deep breathing, mindful observation, or sensory exercises.
• Therapies that support emotional regulation
Healthy coping strategies do not erase anxiety instantly. Instead, they help you manage it, release tension from the body, and create space to respond rather than react. Over time, they allow you to reclaim energy, rebuild confidence, and experience life with greater ease.
Recognising your own coping patterns, both the helpful and unhelpful, is an act of self compassion. It is not about judgment; it is about learning which tools truly support your wellbeing and which ones might keep anxiety in control.
Reflecting on Your Coping Strategies
Understanding how you respond to anxiety is an important step toward managing it. Taking a moment to reflect on your coping strategies can help you see which approaches are supporting you and which might be keeping anxiety in control.
Ask yourself:
• Which coping strategies do I use most often when I feel anxious?
• Do these strategies help me feel calm and in control, or do they provide only temporary relief?
• Are there patterns in my behaviour that I would like to change, such as overworking, avoiding situations, or turning to substances?
• Which healthy strategies have I tried before, or might I be willing to experiment with, such as journaling, movement, creative expression, or grounding techniques?
• Are there therapies, that I feel drawn to try for deeper support?
Reflecting in this way is not about judgment. It is about noticing your patterns with curiosity and compassion. By becoming aware of how anxiety shows up in your coping, you create the opportunity to choose strategies that support your wellbeing and help you reclaim a sense of control.
Even small steps, like trying one grounding technique during a stressful moment or keeping a short journal each day, can gradually make a meaningful difference. Each action is a way of nurturing yourself and strengthening your ability to navigate anxiety with care and confidence.
Gentle Support for Anxiety
As a therapist, I bring both professional expertise and lived experience of anxiety. I understand how consuming it can be, how it impacts every part of life, and how heavy it can feel to carry. This deep understanding informs the gentle, supportive therapies I offer:
• Clinical Hypnotherapy: helping the mind access calmer states and build new patterns of thought.
• Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Tapping: combining gentle tapping on acupressure points with focused thought to release emotional intensity.
• Integral Eye Movement Therapy (IEMT): working with memory and identity to shift unhelpful emotional responses.
• Breathwork: reconnecting with the body, calming the nervous system, and creating space between thought and reaction.
Alongside these approaches, I often work with clients on practical tools such as challenging automatic negative thoughts, using circle of control techniques, and learning how to somatically release anxiety so it no longer rules the body.
These methods do not erase who you are, they allow you to come home to yourself, to quieten the constant noise of worry, and to step back into life with more freedom and control.
Reflection Prompts
Anxiety shows up in many forms, and sometimes it is the small, everyday moments that reveal its presence. You may notice patterns in your thoughts, behaviours, or physical reactions that feel familiar but difficult to name. Taking a moment to reflect on these experiences can help you recognise how anxiety shows up in your life and begin to respond with understanding rather than judgment.
Ask yourself:
• Do you notice yourself replaying conversations long after they have ended?
• Do you find it easier to say no to social events rather than face the exhaustion afterwards?
• Do you feel safe only when following certain routines or rituals?
• Are there habits or behaviours you rely on to get through stressful moments, such as checking, planning, or numbing activities?
• How does your body feel when anxiety is present, tension, stomach upset, headaches, or restlessness?
Reflecting on these questions is not about labeling yourself or feeling guilty. It is about noticing patterns and gaining insight into how anxiety impacts your thoughts, behaviours, and body. By becoming more aware, you can begin to explore gentle strategies to support yourself, seek help when needed, and create space to respond to anxiety rather than let it control you.
These prompts are a way to connect with your experience, acknowledge it, and take the first small steps toward relief and regulation.
Reclaiming Your Life
Anxiety does not have to define you. Whether you are struggling with sending your child off to university, facing the uncertainty of a job change, or simply trying to make it through each day without feeling overwhelmed, support is available.
Therapy can help you hit reset, release the hold that anxiety has over you, and take back control of your life. It can be life-changing to find calm within yourself and to know that you no longer need to silence anxiety with habits that only temporarily numb it.
You deserve to feel safe, understood, and supported as you move forward.
Phiona | Mindful Moments Therapies
Clinical Hypnotherapy | Breathwork | EFT | IEMT
Working with adults and children | Online or in Havant, Hampshire
www.mindfulmomentstherapies.co.uk
Whether you're dealing with stress, anxiety, trauma, bereavement or looking to break habits, reframe fears, or phobias. Phiona can help you develop approaches to overcome these barriers that prevent you from living life to the fullest. Helping you navigate life’s challenges and take the next step towards a brighter, calmer future.
If you feel you would like support, and you feel therapy may be the answer. I offer 15 minute complimentary consultations, for you to have the chance to discover how therapy might support you. Visit my website for more information.
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